Thursday, February 2, 2012

I don't struggle as much.

What our workouts look like.

I woke up super early this morning and have been wasting time while waiting for the sun to rise. This morning I am going to the rec center with a friend (we have a new tradition of working out together on Thursday mornings). These workouts are like therapy for me. We talk non-stop. Our workout looks a bit something like this:

1. Swipe  membership cards (major thumb pointer finger exercise), put our stuff in the locker rooms (use biceps to lift backpack onto hook), and sit and talk in locker room for 5 minutes (quads burn after this).
2. Walk slowly over to the bikes, sit on bike, try and figure out bike together (mental exercise).
3. Put bike on level one and slowly pedal while spilling all the beans on our past week to each other.
4. One bead of sweat just might fall down the forehead.....but that's just from talking so fast.
5. Take about 5 minutes to wash off handlebars because "OH MY GOODNESS.....HE SAID WHAT?!?!"
6. Walk for 10 minutes over to the weight room....try and figure out machines together....maybe do about 2 reps of 5 at 3 machines.
7. Walk for 10 more minutes to the ellipticals and say..."well should we work out really hard for about 10 minutes and then go?".... "Sounds great!"
8. Push ourselves to break a sweat for 10 minutes while gasping for air because we are still talking so much.
9. Take 10 minutes to stretch 2 muscles.
10. Drive home with a smile on our faces. The best therapy out there.

I love it...and I don't care if I burn 1 calorie or 200.....the health of my mind after this workout is in tip top shape! Which is JUST if not MORE important than my physical health.

Two weeks ago when we went to work out at the rec center something really cool happened! So since I am pretty slow when it comes to figuring out weight machines, this really nice 40 something year old lady gave me a tip on how to work the machine. I have seen her there all the time (she is always helping out others with their workouts and such). We get to talking and it turns out that she is a trainer at the rec center which is why she is always helping people...duh. Anyways...we talk some more and she gives some encouragement to me and my friend that we shouldn't work out too long or hard because too many young girls are too concerned about working out than more important things.

I so appreciated her concern for us and told her that I definitely have to keep that in check. She just opened right up then and told us how when she was 18 she was a model. She was very small and worked out too much and ate too little. One day she went to a modeling agency and they told her that she needed to lose 10 more pounds despite the fact that she was 5'10'' and 115 pounds!!!! After that, she realized what she had done to herself and ended her modeling career. She was an anorexic for several years and had to go through all kinds of counseling. It was interesting to hear her story because, similar to myself, she did cut back on what she ate quite a bit but the huge problem was that she was an exercise bulimic. She would work out for hours on end in order to maintain her tiny figure. She turned her life around...recieved a degree in sports medicine and is now a personal trainer. She wasn't a tiny person. She was HEALTHY, HAPPY, and SUCCESSFUL! How inspiring!

You know what was EVEN BETTER?!??! I told her that the biggest thing that has helped me is the Lord. And you know what she said??? "ME TOO!" We both concurred that we have NO CLUE how people who don't have the Lord Jesus as their Savior ever recover. If I didn't have Him...I would have given up a long time ago

To be honest...I KNOW that I didn't struggle and don't struggle as much as most anorexics/bulimics/etc. I read other's blogs and my heart breaks for these people. This disorder is terrible and cruel. I have only felt a small amount of the misery that other's have. Do you want to know why? Because I am weak and God is strong. Because I asked Him for help, He gave me a special gift. The gift of strength to overcome. He is NOT going to force this on people. He doesn't force Himself on others. You have to ask. But when you do...I KNOW FOR A FACT that He will help you like He did me.

True healing can only come through Him. Like it or not...we are weak on our own. We need a heavenly power to give us the strength to fight those disordered thoughts. Here are some verses to prove this:

For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds,” says the Lord." (Jeremiah 30:17)
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds … Great is our Lord, and mighty in power …” (Psalm 147:3)
But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.” (Psalm 34:10)


HELP US!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

Its that simple. He wants to help us because He loves us. If He didn't want to help me He never would have given me the strength to say NO to my disorder and change me heart from being bitter, lonely, full of sadness, and self hatred to a heart full of joy, comfort, pleasure, self awareness, and desirous to live a full wonderful life!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

"20 Seconds of Insane Courage"

Good morning!

Well I woke up quite early this morning and instead of just sitting around doing nothing, I figured I might as well post something.

This week my sisters, Mom, and I went to see :

The first 30 minutes of the movie was filled with corny/cheeseball ness that was kind of painful. But after that it was sweet, inspiring, animal loving, heart warming, romantic greatness!
There was one theme in the movie that really struck a chord with me. Please watch the following video:

While the "20 seconds of insane courage" spoken about in this movie is more about catching the girl you want, I felt like I could apply it to eating disorder recovery when I read this post by Tessa @ During recovery, we are constantly trying to push ourselves to eat new things that we categorize as "fear foods" or "unhealthy". Its a battle. It seems as though it is impossible at times to just get the food down our gullets!

I would like to suggest to you that a major key to success might be held in this "20 seconds of insane courage". I don't know about you, but when I fail at succeeding to eat a fear food or just eat like a normal person, its usually because I thought about it WAY too much.

Those with eating disorders have a terrible disease of thinking too much. We overthink EVERYTHING. Sadly this is our reality:

We second guess every bite we take. We second guess that we counted our calories correctly so we re-calculate them for the 50th time that day. We second guess that the scale REALLY read our weight right so we re-way ourselves 15 times before we finally start to break down weeping because we gained 1 pound. We second guess that we will be okay if we really start to recover. We second guess that we will be loved if we start eating pizza again. We second guess that not living an eating disordered life is really "that much better". We think way too much and talk ourselves out of the key to our recovery. EATING!

That 20 seconds of courage is our golden opportunity to do the impossible. This is kind of how it feels at times: 

Yes, it may feel impossible to NOT workout today. It may feel like you won't be able to stop eating cookies if you start eating them again. It may feel like you will lose ALL control if you stop eating ONLY "safe food". And I will admit, you WILL LOSE CONTROL. You will. You CAN'T control every area of your life anymore. You have to let go. You have to stop putting all that pressure on yourself. You have to take life and use it. End this sheltered life where all you do is the same routines/rituals each day. Try new foods! Heck, LIVE ON THE WILD SIDE!

If you don't ACT within that "20 (or maybe for your its 10 or 50) seconds of insane courage" you end up disappointing yourself and not truly jumping on the recovery bandwagon. Its A LOT easier said then done, I know. But I encourage you that IT GETS EASIER. It does. Yes, you may hate yourself after you eat that piece of pie. But with each try, it gets better. You realize that "Yes, pie is worth it". You realize that you deserve to live a life of enjoyment. You realize that gaining 10, 20, 30, yes even 40 pounds  is HEALTHY and will make you HAPPY! 

We have to stop living like this:

Take that inspiration/courage/bravery and ACT ON IT! Don't wait till tomorrow to start truly recovering. Act out of that "20 seconds of insane courage". Do something crazy and DO IT OFTEN! Live your life with arms WIDE OPEN
I kind of really want that dress! Random, sorry.
Just do it. Like now. I mean it. Go to the kitchen. Find 1 thing that you are afraid to eat (find more than one thing if you can) and EAT IT. I'm not kidding. This is it. This is your time. Get off your computer, stop reading this crazy girl's blog, and start recovering. Remember:

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Life changes A LOT when your havin' fun!

Hello! The last time I wrote a post was on April 28th 2011. As I read back at that old post, I can't believe that it was less than a year ago. So much of my life has changed (i.e. improved/digressed). Everyone should read posts of theirs from a year ago. Highly therapeutic to see the changes that have been made since that time.

Things that have changed:
I... am now a senior in college (WHAT THE WHA???? Crazy how time flies by).
I.... am officially an unofficial aunt (friend that is basically a sister had a baby boy...i.e. cutest child to ever live).
I... received 3rd place in my first triathlon (I'm an addict now)!
Some dude I had to hug while getting my ribbon.

I...transferred from community college to big kid school (a 4 year school).
I...finished the Bible Study I was in and began to "Break Free".
Tim Tebow moved to my state so that he could be the Broncos QB and get married to me.
"Thank you for choosing me to play for the Broncos! Now I will get to meet and marry Deborah Rose!"- Tim Tebow (actual quote... or not.)
I... regained a friendship from childhood that I never thought would be rekindled.
I... went backpacking for the first time in my life and didn't get eaten by bears!
Probably one of the coolest things I've done.

I... really started to live my life with the goal of serving/honoring the Lord Jesus Christ.
I... started a new job that I LOVE with great people (including my big sis).
I... passed my Calculus class. PRAISE GOD!
I... bought these cowboy boots (a MAJOR life event :P):
Old West Women's Distressed Leather Cowgirl Boots - Snip ToeI... started spending money on myself and giving more to charities/my church (God gave me my money.....its time to USE IT rather than lock it up like a money hog).
I... finally started skipping days working out. If I don't feel like working out....I skip it. So much happier.
I... stopped weighing myself. I have NO CLUE what I weigh. Really. Like no clue. And I don't care. Ha.
I...met/had dinner with/ talked for an hour with/ got a signed shirt/ listened to a concert with/by my favorite singer : Priscilla Ahn!
She was SO sweet....we are all practically BFF's with her now.

I... stopped going to my counselor. Don't know if this is a good thing or not yet.
I... have a lot more friends now. Church, work, school, etc. have all given me great friends and now I finally enjoy going out! Even people who I met through The Thorn (previous post) are some of my closest friends. Yay for new friends!
I... went on a week long trip to Oregon.
On the Oregon Coast. Twas gorgeous!

I...have conquered pretty much every fear food I have. I now drink milk every day. Eat oatmeal only a few times a week for breakfast. Eat bread/bagel/some grain every day. I eat eggs again without feeling guilty. Have cut back on stuffing my face with salads. Have cookies/cake/pie/ice cream whenever I get the chance.You get the idea.
I... hiked and then drove to the top of Pikes Peak for the first time.
I'm on top of the WORLD!!!

I... had my first manicure ever. WHY have I not done this before??!?!?! Heaven on earth.
I... have a tummy roll, love handles, cellulite, and skin under my chin. I'm learning to deal with it.
I... ran my first Dirty Girl Mud Run with wonderful sisters and friends.
We called ourselves the "Dirty Denver Divas" I.E. the "Triple D's"!
I... had a wonderful Christmas with LOTS of delicious food. Yeah I probably gained weight. Who cares.
Yeah. I don't kid around with little portions. That's a thing of the past. LOAD ME UP!

Well I could go on tooting my own horn and showing off all of the fun things I have done, but I'm bored so you probably are too. All the things that I have been able to conquer really have not been through my own strength. I have a lot of support. Most of it from my Savior. I have truly learned that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13)

One more thing: On that plate of food is something that I made for the Christmas party I was at in that picture. It turned out great! I made some modifications that I think enhanced it:

Bacon and Brussels Sprout Hash

Recipe courtesy Tyler Florence, 2008

Prep Time:
20 min
Inactive Prep Time:
Cook Time:
25 min
4 to 6 servings


  • Extra-virgin olive oil
  • 4 slices thick-cut bacon
  • 4 sprigs fresh thyme
  • 2 pints Brussels sprouts, cut in 1/2 (I kept them whole)
  • 1 pound fingerling potatoes, split down the middle (I used large potatoes that I just cut into cubes)
  • 1/2 pound red pearl onions, peeled (I just sliced 1 red onion)
  • Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • 1/2 cup low-sodium chicken broth (I omitted this)
  • 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
  • 1/4 bunch flat-leaf parsley, leaves roughly chopped (I don't like parsley so I omitted this)
  • Additions:
  • 2 TBS. minced garlic
  • 1 tsp. ground sage
  • 1/2 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
  • 1 tsp. chopped rosemary

  • Directions
Set a large saute pan over medium heat and add a 2 count of olive oil. Cut bacon into long strips and add to pan together with thyme. Cook for 5 to 7 minutes to render the fat then strain and set aside. Add Brussels sprouts

My Directions
Set a large saute pan over medium heat. Slice bacon into long strips and toss in pan until nice and crispy. Remove bacon and leave bacon drippings in pan. Fry up your chopped onions until they are translucent. Meanwhile, roast your sliced potatoes and whole Brussels sprouts in oven at 425 degrees until they are nice and crispy (toss them around ever 10 minutes). Add them into the onions with all of the seasonings and balsamic vinegar (no chicken stock). Fry up for about 5 minutes on medium heat. Serve in warm dish and sprinkle bacon on top as a garnish. Devour.

Well reading this post probably took up half of your day so I will stop! Thank you for reading and enjoy the rest of your day!