So these past two weeks I feel like I have run a marathon of life. I have felt so many things, conquered so many battles, and discovered so many truths. I have a TON to say.
First on the agenda is to tell you that.....................drum roll please............................. I HAVE MY PERIOD AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY! It started on Sunday. HALLELUJAH! I ran downstairs with the biggest smile plastered on my face and told my mom and anna. We were all jumping up and down hugging....it was awesome. Then Sarah joined in! I have never celebrated over a period before. :P
After this....I cried. Tears of joy. Pure joy. I felt the happiest I have felt in years. Thank God. I am not broken! I am a working female! ahahha!
Monday and Tuesday were awesome. I could not stop smiling. I was on cloud nine! Then after counseling on Tuesday afternoon (yesterday) I started to struggle. We kind of re-hashed some things and it really upset me. It was good though. But since then I have been struggling. I hate this yo-yoing. How can I go from being the happiest and most confidant that I have been in YEARS to feeling ugly, sad, and awful the next day. I don't get it. But I am not going to let it overtake me. I will feel that joy again! I know I will
Something incredible happened today. So I was at school and I was walking to my car. I go to a school that is not in the best part of town. There was a young girl sitting on her pink backpack who, while I was walking by, asked me what time it was. I told her 3:15. She proceeded to tell me that her dad was picking her up. I asked her if she wouldn't mind if I sat with her while she waited for her dad (for safety reasons). She said yes. So we proceeded to talk.
She basically told me her life story. Over a 15 minute conversation I learned all of the following things from her:
She was 13 years old.
She had a friend at school that told her that she didn't eat healthfully enough when she ate a sandwich, a soda pop, and a fruit roll up for lunch.
This friend also would tell her how many calories her food had and that she shouldn't be eating that food because it would make her fat.
Her brother was taken away by the state because of her physically abusive stepfather at the age of 3.
Her mom died when she was 3.
She lives with her birth dad, grandpa, and grandma.
Her grandpa is abusive.
She used to starve herself and skip all meals except for lunch at school.
Her boyfriend broke- up with her to be with a girl who "wears mini-skirts, is thin, and has blonde hair."
She said that she never was able to have a childhood and that she had to grow up and take care of herself.
She lost her best friend for life this year.
She told me ALL of these things in 15 minutes. She even cried while she was talking about her grandpa. It was terrible. Awful. I wanted to cry, hug her, scream at all the people who have hurt her, and take her home to live with me. I tried to tell her about Jesus. I asked her, "Do you know who Jesus is?" she said that her grandpa was a catholic and the rest of her family is lutheran. So I asked her, "Do you believe in Jesus?" She never answered. I proceeded to tell her that I am anorexic and that Jesus is THE ONE who is carrying me through. I told her to pray and go to him whenever she felt alone or sad. She ran off when her dad came to pick her up and didn't even say bye. It was the shortest most eye opening conversation of my life. I can't stop thinking about her. I don't even know her name. I KNOW GOD SENT her into my life. I KNOW IT. I don't know what to do with it though.
I want to do something. I want to make a difference. I want to talk to girls who are struggling. I have this disorder for a reason. What am I going to do with it? Hold onto it until I wither away...or push it away and help others. I choose the latter. Please pray for this girl.