Thursday, February 2, 2012

I don't struggle as much.

What our workouts look like.

I woke up super early this morning and have been wasting time while waiting for the sun to rise. This morning I am going to the rec center with a friend (we have a new tradition of working out together on Thursday mornings). These workouts are like therapy for me. We talk non-stop. Our workout looks a bit something like this:

1. Swipe  membership cards (major thumb pointer finger exercise), put our stuff in the locker rooms (use biceps to lift backpack onto hook), and sit and talk in locker room for 5 minutes (quads burn after this).
2. Walk slowly over to the bikes, sit on bike, try and figure out bike together (mental exercise).
3. Put bike on level one and slowly pedal while spilling all the beans on our past week to each other.
4. One bead of sweat just might fall down the forehead.....but that's just from talking so fast.
5. Take about 5 minutes to wash off handlebars because "OH MY GOODNESS.....HE SAID WHAT?!?!"
6. Walk for 10 minutes over to the weight room....try and figure out machines together....maybe do about 2 reps of 5 at 3 machines.
7. Walk for 10 more minutes to the ellipticals and say..."well should we work out really hard for about 10 minutes and then go?".... "Sounds great!"
8. Push ourselves to break a sweat for 10 minutes while gasping for air because we are still talking so much.
9. Take 10 minutes to stretch 2 muscles.
10. Drive home with a smile on our faces. The best therapy out there.

I love it...and I don't care if I burn 1 calorie or 200.....the health of my mind after this workout is in tip top shape! Which is JUST if not MORE important than my physical health.

Two weeks ago when we went to work out at the rec center something really cool happened! So since I am pretty slow when it comes to figuring out weight machines, this really nice 40 something year old lady gave me a tip on how to work the machine. I have seen her there all the time (she is always helping out others with their workouts and such). We get to talking and it turns out that she is a trainer at the rec center which is why she is always helping people...duh. Anyways...we talk some more and she gives some encouragement to me and my friend that we shouldn't work out too long or hard because too many young girls are too concerned about working out than more important things.

I so appreciated her concern for us and told her that I definitely have to keep that in check. She just opened right up then and told us how when she was 18 she was a model. She was very small and worked out too much and ate too little. One day she went to a modeling agency and they told her that she needed to lose 10 more pounds despite the fact that she was 5'10'' and 115 pounds!!!! After that, she realized what she had done to herself and ended her modeling career. She was an anorexic for several years and had to go through all kinds of counseling. It was interesting to hear her story because, similar to myself, she did cut back on what she ate quite a bit but the huge problem was that she was an exercise bulimic. She would work out for hours on end in order to maintain her tiny figure. She turned her life around...recieved a degree in sports medicine and is now a personal trainer. She wasn't a tiny person. She was HEALTHY, HAPPY, and SUCCESSFUL! How inspiring!

You know what was EVEN BETTER?!??! I told her that the biggest thing that has helped me is the Lord. And you know what she said??? "ME TOO!" We both concurred that we have NO CLUE how people who don't have the Lord Jesus as their Savior ever recover. If I didn't have Him...I would have given up a long time ago

To be honest...I KNOW that I didn't struggle and don't struggle as much as most anorexics/bulimics/etc. I read other's blogs and my heart breaks for these people. This disorder is terrible and cruel. I have only felt a small amount of the misery that other's have. Do you want to know why? Because I am weak and God is strong. Because I asked Him for help, He gave me a special gift. The gift of strength to overcome. He is NOT going to force this on people. He doesn't force Himself on others. You have to ask. But when you do...I KNOW FOR A FACT that He will help you like He did me.

True healing can only come through Him. Like it or not...we are weak on our own. We need a heavenly power to give us the strength to fight those disordered thoughts. Here are some verses to prove this:

For I will restore health to you and heal you of your wounds,” says the Lord." (Jeremiah 30:17)
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds … Great is our Lord, and mighty in power …” (Psalm 147:3)
But those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.” (Psalm 34:10)


HELP US!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)
“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” (Hebrews 4:16)

Its that simple. He wants to help us because He loves us. If He didn't want to help me He never would have given me the strength to say NO to my disorder and change me heart from being bitter, lonely, full of sadness, and self hatred to a heart full of joy, comfort, pleasure, self awareness, and desirous to live a full wonderful life!


Sia Jane said...

I sometimes think messages come to us at a certain time for a certain reason, and that seems to be one.
And never underestimate the degree of struggle you have and do endure <3

sarah (onedayiwillseethesun) said...

Can relate tho this, I struggle now with over exercise. I've been ill for over 10 years now and am again trying to gain to a healthier weight. truly hope one day can get to a better place. ive tagged you in a blogger survey btw.

pureglow*16 said...

hey! i totally love this <3 it is SO true what you said about asking God for help! Xo

sophia said...

LOVE this. I couldn't have made the progress in recovery without Christ. He was my rock, and he carved out the perfect course for me. He provided me with everything I needed.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps a silly question but how does one start to use Christ as a helpto recovery? Thanks

Deborah said...

Sia Jane: Thank you for your encouragment. You are very right. All I mean to say is that I am thankful because unlike some (not judging them at all) I have been able to find something that has given me great hope to change.

Sarah: Thank you for the tag! I will definitely join in on the fun! I am praying for you. Hang in there.

PureGlow*16: I am so glad that you have experienced the same joy in Him that I have been able to! He is the only way I could get through!

Sophia: Love your words. Great picture of the recovery process through Christ. It is definitely a journey and He has to carve the path for us to follow and make it home! :D

Anonymous: NOT a silly question AT ALL! Its a great question! My first suggestion: PRAY 24/7! Praying continually throughout the day (okay you can take breaks :P) but praying A LOT is really what helped me. The Lord is NOT going to shove Himself on you and make you accept His help. You have to want it and ask for it. And it may not be the help you want or think you need. But in time He will show you that He had the perfect plan and answer. Reading the Psalms has also given me great comfort to overcome my struggles. Beth Moore also wrote a book called "So Long Insecurity" that is supremely helpful. But mainly, praying and reading your Bible is going to be the most helpful. When you up to Him. Tell Him that you hate yourself, have extreme guilt, think that you are "this or that", and ask Him for His forgiveness. We have to recognize that or ED's are not honoring to Him and ask Him for forgiveness. He is READY and SO WILLING to forgive and forget just like He did the woman at the well. (John 4). Then ask Him for His help and be willing to "die to yourself" and give your life over to Him. He must have the control and we must relinquish it to Him. I am praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Thank you I will definatly try what you suggested. X

Jordan said...

This is my first time visiting your blog, and tears just filled my eyes reading this post.
Because just from this one post, I get the feeling that our stories are very similar.
I struggled with anorexia for seven years - age 12-19. All my teen years wasted in misery and hopelessness and unhealthy obsessions.
Then last summer, after always claiming to be a "Christian," I finally entered into a real, genuine relationship with the Lord. I gave Him my struggles. All of them. And gradually, He healed me. I am not bound by the disordered thoughts anymore...I'm not a prisoner of my sin. Jesus has truly made me free, and it has been the most incredible thing. And I would have NEVER, EVER gotten to this point if not for God. He truly heals if you go to Him. And we are FREE to live the beautiful life He wants us to live...the life we were created for. <3 Love the verses you provided. Thanks for being such an encouragement. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm 17 and I wish you'll apologize my english, because I'm french.
I'm also on the way to recover from anorexia to an healthier and so much happier lifestyle. It's sometimes very, very, difficult and complicated. But your blog gave me more hope than I already had. Thank you !!