Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Depression Medication

I am going to start taking depression medications next week. I am going to see my doctor Kristin and she is going to prescribe some meds that Mary Ellen suggested. I think it is going to help. Thankfully I don't have severe depression.....just a minor case. Mary Ellen said that it will just help me to get over those 5 day long sad streaks and the irrational sadness that I experience. As crazy as this sounds...I am actually looking forward to taking them. 

I can't believe I just said that. My whole life I have always avoided doctors because I knew that they would prescribe me some pill and it would hurt my body. I hate drugs that aren't natural. I feel like I am hurting my body while I am helping it. (yeah I am a hippy and believe in using essential oils to cure all problems!!! haha). But I am actually excited to have something to just help me with the day to day. Mary Ellen said that I would not have to take it for over a year probably so that makes me feel better too.

I also just never wanted to admit that I need depression medication. Its a pride thing. I want to get better on my own without the pills. Its the crazy DO IT YOURSELF OR YOUR A LOSER in me. I feel like I am just throwing in the dice. Letting something else control my emotions. It makes me frustrated that I can't fix my own problems. I think this is a real  issue with me. Its sin. I know it is. It is major pride and distrust of others and God. I need to work on this! I need to let others help me, rely on God, and take medication! Its like my mom said, "Medication for emotional diseases are just as important as medication for physical diseases." And I am starting to think its true. Emotional and mental diseases are just that. Diseases. Just like a physical disease. They mean something....and they can cause physical diseases if they are not corrected. I love my mom. She is so wise!

Well I am feeling really good today so hopefully it is going to be an easier day. I am going to work out (its a running goal is to run for 35 minutes without stopping....yeah I know.....lame goal!). I wish I had an easier time running. I don't know why I find it so hard. I love it on most days, but I just run out of energy or I get these terrible side aches at about 30 minutes. Here I am doing it again. I am telling myself that I am wimpy, weak, not strong enough, a bad runner. I think I am going to stop. Take a step. And write this down in my ABCDE diary. goes....(sorry to leave in the middle of a post!)

Signing off,

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