Its like I have been cured. Seriously. You don't even know what I ate yesterday! I feel like a champion! I started out with my regular oats and and egg......THEN.....I ate pizza and salad at this fun resteraunt called Pizza Republica! And then I ate fried....yes fried.....italian egg rolls, buffalo sliders, fondu, apple pie, and bread pudding at a fun little resteraunt downtown! Fun times! I'll give you a rundown now!
I started the day by working out, eating breakfast, and going to counseling. Counseling was really helpful and I feel really inspired after it. My counselor suggested that I start volunteering and hanging out with other Christian College groups since I am going to have more free time since I am only taking 4 classes this semester! I have been wanting to do this for a while but have been scared to. I don't know why. Its the same un-social ed thoughts I think. But when she suggested this to me, I felt like it was from the Lord. I have been really wanting to serve others in some way and get to know other Christian college kids around! I am going to look at some different options of volunteer places and stuff! I'll let you know where I get with that! (Let's hope I still feel this adventurous to go out and be around other people!)
My dad works right next to my counselor...like a mile away. So I thought that I would call him up and see if I could come and say hi real quick. I never do this. Never. I am not spontaneous whatsoever and I am actually kind of struggling with my relationship with my dad right now. So this was hard but when the idea popped in my head...I wasn't going to let myself say no. So I called him up. It turned out that he was at starbucks with a couple of business people. He asked if I wanted to come.....I hesitated .......but then just said yes. So I went.....and the business people were really nice and I got to hear about all this interesting stuff. I am a business major so it was fun to see real life business people in action! Afterwards......one of the ladies asked if we would like to go to lunch.....I wanted to say no so badly. 1. because I have a lot of homework that I should have been doing (and should be doing right now) 2. she wanted to go to a pizza place (AHHHHHHH.....CALORIES!!!!!!!!!) 3. I really don't like eating "junky" food in front of other people (call me crazy but if I am going to eat "unhealthy" food I have to do it alone.) However, I knew that this was my ed and depression kicking in so I again said
|My AMAZING salad!|
|I did love the fresh arugala on top! YUM!|
And you know what....I was full but not THAT full....crazy I know. Most people would be like...."Dang girl....you ate 3 slices!??!?! What's wrong with you?!?!?" But hey...I was hungry and I wanted it. And I didn't freak out about it that much....sure I was kind of IN SHOCK at what I had just let myself do....but I honestly felt like I was taking that pizza and shoving it in the face of ED! HA! TAKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After this I went home and worked on homework for about 2 hours. Then my sister called and asked if I wanted to go out with some friends to a place called the Union Bistro for drinks and appetizers. At first I said no. I had homework to do, I didn't want to eat more "unhealthy" food since I went crazy at lunch, and I didn't want to go socialize with people. Then I stopped myself. Was it really me who was saying no or was it my ed? Did I....ME....MYSELF......want to go?
no way YES SIREEE I DID!!!!!!!!!! So I said yes. I'm going crazy! ahah! So I went...and I got a virgin strawberry dakury.......and yes I drank it all.....and yes I didn't scoop off the whipped cream! BAM! And then I nibbled on all kinds of yummy eats that I listed above! And when I got home....I was still hungry.........I wanted to just go upstairs and go to bed without filling up my tum tum. But I said no to that and said YES to some left over sweet potato fries, green beans, and cornbread from my parents dinner. Yes I ate cornbread too! With agave! And then I happily went to bed after eating and saying yes to everything I always say no to.
I feel alive. Happy. I feel like celebrating and living my life while saying "AY-OH!" ahahah! Cheezy much?!?!? But I am serious! I feel like a rockstar! I feel like me for the first time in forever. It is a WONDERFUL FEELING! I only hope that the rest of you have or get this feeling! I can only say that it is by the grace of God that I am doing this well. I don't know how I am doing it...but I am! I feel in control, confidant, powerful, beautiful ( yes...I feel beautiful!!!), etc. My sister said something so true last night. She said that life is meant to be lived. We spend SO much time just worrying about our life that we don't ever truely live it to the fullest. Is that how God wants us to live? He has given us food for pleasure and nourishment. He has given us exercise for pleasure and health. He has given us friends for pleasure and help. He has given us lives. Have you ever thought about that. He has breathed life into you. What are YOU going to do with it? Will you use your life to worry about food, image, beauty, loneliness, control, etc? Or will you use your life to have fun, please and honor God, and bless others? Even though it is hard....I am wanting and striving to do the latter. I encourage you to do the same!!!!!!!! Thank you for your prayers. They are working. And I hope you know that I pray for you as well!
Do something crazy today. Say yes. Shove ed into the trash can and eat for fun! Check out that body of yours and thank God that you have arms, legs, a stomach, a face, and a beating heart! We are so blessed.....we just can't see it. I encourage you to take the time to see those blessings and to enjoy them to the fullest!!!!!!!!