So it has been a while since I posted. After my last post, surprisingly, I felt awesome. I think that I have really need to get all of that out. I have been keeping it buried up inside of me and it felt great to get it out in the open.
I had a very fun filled weekend spent with the family and our family friends, the Landrys. We enjoyed lots of talking, watching of movies, shopping, and eating. I was so proud of myself. I ate a lot and I didn't have the regular guilt that I normally do. :D It was very relieving and I am sure that I gained some weight (i am not weighing myself but I can feel it). And surprisingly, I am not too upset about gaining weight. why? Because I am slowing learning that I have a greater purpose.
Right now I am reading a book called Unsqueezed by Margot Starbuck. It is GREAT. I would recommend anyone who has an ED or any woman for a matter of fact to read it. She is a great writer, very funny, and very honest. The description on the back reads, "Are you stuck in a mold that doesn't fit? Do you find yourself checking the mirror and wondering you look good enough? Are your clothing choices all about disguising your flaws? Do you sometimes think plastic surgery might be the only way for you to feel good about your body? Wouldn't it be great if no of that mattered? Come and join Margot Starbuck in her journey to become unsqueezed! In twenty-seven brief, funny, and reflective chapters, she helps us discover why God really gave us bodies and what we can do with them. Jump out of that suffocating mold and discover what your body is really for."
I am only two chapters in and I already love it. Her introduction to the book was even very helpful! She talks about a passage in Luke. Luke 11:27 in fact. It is the passage where a woman in a crowd that was listening to Jesus shouted, "Blessed is the womb that bore you and the breasts that nursed you!" Back then, women were valued for their birthing capabilities just like we are valued for our physical appearances. Do you wanna hear what the Lord said?
He said, "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it!" Margot Starbuck writes, " Ones [women] who are eye-catching and ones who are not are called blessed when they respond to God. Finally, bodies that are blessed are within reach of all."
Wow. This kind of hit home for me. We really do have a greater purpose. And something else I was thinking about is why oh why oh why...do I try to please the world with unattainable beauty. I am wasting time, energy, my relationship with the Lord for what? In order for some people to think that I am pretty and fit? Is that really long lasting? When I die and go to heaven will the Lord say, "Well done my good and faithful servant, " because I spent hours working out, restricting my food, and thinking about my outward beauty? N.O. What will people remember when I die? "Well she worked out a lot and was always thinking and worrying about food." That's what I am achieving right now. That's what I will be remembered by if I continue in the path that I am.
I don't want that. I want to be remembered for hearing the word of God and obeying it!!!!! And this is my first step in hearing the word of God and obeying it! I have to stop valuing my outward appearance over my inward heart. I have to stop idolizing weight, exercise, healthy food, and being beautiful. NOW. THAT'S ENOUGH! I am sick of it and I know for a fact that the Lord is not pleased with it either! I encourage all to look deep within their hearts and evaluate their greater purpose. Stop putting God on the back burner. Stop saying that you value the Lord more than your looks and put it into action! (I am really just yelling this to myself.......I struggle with this more than anyone I know!) I feel more empowered and capable now that I ever did after exercising for several hours and burning ridiculous amounts of calories! Being the cookie cutter beautiful is unattainable. Pleasing the Lord and obeying and hearing His word is something I CAN DO! I CAN! "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."