Wednesday, January 5, 2011

On the Road Again

I have kind of been having a bumpy ride the last few weeks. 1 day I am happy and things are great....the next 3 days then are miserable. I repeat this cycle often. But I am hoping that this cycle is breaking.

I feel great right now. Some of the best I have felt in a long time. Yesterday was great (after counseling...before that was not to hot). I feel peaceful and hopeful. I haven't felt that way in years. Even though I was having a great day yesterday, I still struggled with eating. I felt guilty after I ate a bag of popcorn, ate tons of almonds and walnuts, and nibbled on gingerbread. But I was okay. I made it through. I did it. And the Lord still loves me and cares. This has been a tough journey so far but I really feel as though it is going to get better from this point on. I feel like I am really on the ban wagon. My heart is in it. Before, I was just telling myself that this was what I had to do. I wasn't behind the idea of gaining weight fully. I feel a lot more motivated and excited for the future. 

Today, Rebecca (friend) is coming over to bake cookies, hang out, and go shopping. I haven't gotten together with a friend since..............................I honestly can't remember. I remember going to a party in the middle of summer and I saw friends there.....otherwise....I haven't seen a friend since then. How sad is that. Its been 5 months since I have seen a friend. I have distanced myself so much. Its terrible. Look at all this time I have lost. But you know what?!?!? I am not going to look at the past! I am just going to look towards the future! I am going to learn from that experience and move on! 

I am finally getting a chance to read non-textbooks! I love reading! I am reading Jane Eyre right now. It is very sad but very good! And then after Christmas I am going to read Sense and Sensibility! YAY! I love Jane Austen. Today I think I will decorate my bedroom for Christmas! :D My mom bought these really cute colored lights that I am going to hang up! I also have to find my wreath and candy canes! YAY! I love Christmas! I am going to go work out now.....and for once.....not because I have to....but because I want to!!!!! :D Life is good.

So long,

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